Painting and Decorating

Is it EVER going to stop raining? I don't mind the rain too much when it's not cold out. However I do not like continuous rain in the run up to:
a. Glastonbury
b. Cocktail Parties

The living room is small. There is not room for 30 people in there. The kitchen is tiny. There is not room for 3 people in there. If it should rain and everyone who is invited were to turn up, disaster would strike, I am sure of it.

It would be bedlam. If everyone who has been invited were to turn up - there would be around 40-45 people. But more realistically, with events having approximately a 20% fallout rate there will probably be more like 33 people (yes - having spent a few years working in events, I do know that this constitutes approximate fact - can you have "approximate fact"? - Potentially not, but that's beside the point - for the moment, I would appreciate it if you would just take my word as gospel. Thank you very much, 33 it is). So, 33 people trying to cram themselves into a small space, all drinking mostly red, blue, purple cocktails whilst trying to negotiate their way around the furniture. There is little doubt that the feet of others will become trip hazards and soon everyone will be falling all over the place (let's remember they will have been drinking the cocktails I will be slaving over a hot stove to make - no - not sure yet exactly which cocktails will be made on the "stove" - but yours is not to question why - so just zip up those lips and keep quiet, please. Thank you).

And whilst in this state of tripping all over the place, red, blue, purple, orange, green, etc. drinks will be splashing all over the cream coloured sofa and chair and white walls of my rented accommodation.

I fear this cocktail party may be the end of me. My downfall. And am I prepared? No, I think not. Therefore I intend to spend the rest of the day considering which of my friends are the burliest looking - who has the biggest muscles - who can I employ to help me move the furniture to another room. And then, I will be considering who looks most like they'd be a good painter and decorator, to help me get the walls back to white from the multi-coloured splash design they will have acquired.

And all the while, I will remain thankful that the agent's six monthly inspection of the place happens four days before the party. Which gives me six months to get the place back into order again. Phew.