Cosmopolitans and BJs

Wasn't feeling so good this morning. Went out last night with my McFriend and Ex-Boss, which involved me drinking more cosmopolitans in half an hour than is proper or correct for a young lady.

Now - brace yourselves, because I fear this will not be pretty. It was a bad start t to the evening - because earlier in the day a package had arrived at work from our printers. The package contained a large tin of celebrations, which my colleague and I started happily munching our way through at a relatively impressive rate. Now, I have a slight issue with certain types of food. The slight issue being an often immediate bodily rejection, although sometimes my body gives me up to half an hour's grace - such was the case last night. I greedily gobbled up handfuls of tasty celebrations, while my body screamed no and I refused to listen. It then waited half an hour, until I was at the pub to give me the first signs that it was preparing itself to reject the lot.

Leaving the pub, the three of us wandered the streets looking for somewhere to eat, my body now giving me more urgent signals that the chocolate was not settling. Finally we came across a welcoming looking Thai place. And I found a welcoming looking bathroom and all chocolate was expelled.

Much gobbling of tasty Thai food ensued, washed down with a pleasant enough bottle of rose. Followed again by a quick expulsion of all food consumed - I should have known that the amount of chocolate I had eaten would have rather severe repercussions.

We then wandered about even more aimlessly looking for a bar. My fault - I was looking for somewhere specific - however my sense of direction leaves much to be desired - and every time I stopped to look about/get my bearings/get my map out, I looked up to find myself abandoned in the street. And I was no loner in a state where I could walk and look at my map at the same time, in an attempt to identify exactly where in square 1F on page 51 the tiny road crammed among loads of other tiny roads was. Therefore, where we ended up was not my fault. It was the fault of the utter lack of patience shown by my companions.

It took everything I had to stop them settling for the delights offered on Leicester Square. Perhaps a mistake. Now, I think that it should always be a warning sign when there's a bouncer on the door of a pub. A clear sign that you should reject the pub outright, with not a second glance through the window as you throw your scarf over your shoulder and shove your nose skywards in snobby rejection. Not so apparently for my drinking partners. And I'm still trailing behind whimpering "wait, wait, I'm sure it's the next road along" (which, for what it's worth, it was) when the bouncer asks Ex-Boss a question. I am now the one trailing behind whimpering "what, what, what's he saying?". But it's alright, because once we get in there, it becomes obvious what he was saying "You do know it's a gay bar, don't you?".

So McFriend goes to the bar, where she proceeds to get duped by the barman because she's busy concentrating on his swarthy good looks rather than what she's ordering. Which leaves us, ten minutes later with a cosmopolitan each, accompanied by a round of bl*w j*bs. Yes - six of them - all topped with a generous helping of cream. Given the chocolate incident earlier, the cream looks dangerous to me and I am therefore precluded from having any bl*w j*bs. I am thus forcefully instructed that I must drink all three cosmopolitans.

Take these things into consideration:

- A cosmopolitan is a small cocktail because it is meant to be drunk slowly
- Drinking a cosmopolitan becomes more like sucking a lemon the more you drink
- The other two are drinking shots and we have already established they are impatient people
- I have expelled all food eaten between the hours of 11am and 9pm
- We were only in the bar for about 50 minutes - 15 of which were spent ordering/finding seats

So we leave the bar, me munching on a packet of gaviscon, mouth dry as a dessert, trailing behind as the others are getting a march on to find another unfortunate choice of venue. I do know that seeing them was worth it all, however I think I shall approach their next visit with a little more organisational prowess. And a bigger map.