Momentous Post. Must Read

My junk mails are getting more and more desperate. At the beginning of last week I was getting emails with the subject line “Important message. Must read”. By the end of the week, they were saying “Significant message. Must read”. They have now escalated into “Momentous message. Must read”. So far I have read none of them. But I wonder if I am too quickly brushing off these messages from Mamie Mullen and Alphaeus Hilker. Perhaps those actually ARE real names and the emails actually ARE momentous. So today, I took to reading a couple of my junk mails and it seems it’s true, they are momentous. Look at this, for example:

How many times did you get unhappy after noticing you keep ordering pizza after pizza? 0besity does not only affect the way you look. It is also dangerous for your health.

You don't have to spend the rest of your life exercising yourself to death. You also don't have to experiment with suspicious pound-fighting products. The only option you need is Anatrim!

This IS momentous. That’s it – no more exercising for me (I knew it would end up driving me to an early grave). It’s Anatrim all the way from now on – and I’m not suspicious at all.

p.s. there’s a girl in my ball class called Baguette. I’m not sure why I have not told you this before. I suppose as a name, it’s of the same ilk as Peaches and Apple. Good for her mother. You go girl. You indulge your fetish for crusty French sticks by awarding your daughter with the same name as your object of culinary affection. You earth mother, you.