It's Like A Jungle Out There

Erm, or in here that should be. And more specifically, that should be my bedroom. My bedroom has become a jungle, thanks to my ex-stalker friend (that's ex-stalker rather than ex-friend - I don't leave the house now - which means I am impossible to stalk - good tactic, eh? - However the new jungle character of my bedroom could result in the second happening - i.e. - ex-friend - keep up).

Said friend has jetted off to much more glamorous climes, leaving behind him a wake of greenery that I am entrusted with watering and tending. Should I talk to them? Should I dust them (is my house so dusty that in two weeks they'll need dusting - it's just I've heard they like it)? Should I wipe the leaves with milk (what? I've heard they like that too)?

Apparently it's ok if one or two of them... erm... carp it... during their residential chez moi - however you can tell me that all you like - I must not let small leafy green objects get the better of me.

Besides - surely plants in the bedroom will help me sleep? All that oxygen/CO2 swapping and that? If nothing else, by the end of my two week babysitting stint, I will have had a good few nights sleep, even if it is at the expense of the guilt produced by returning what once were green leaves and slightly drooping, slightly brown ones to their owner...