Loss of Kitchen Prowess

I have been having some food processing issues of late. As you know, I have taken on the self professed position of kitchen goddess (I have had a few comments that I am perhaps overestimating my kitchen abilities - but I just pretend not to hear that. I mean, honestly, how can you not call someone who creates a pink-iced birthday cake with a teddy bear on it and glittery turquoise writing saying "Birthday Boy" anything other than a kitchen goddess? Hmmm? Hmmm? Answer me that).

Of late, however, there have been a few incidents that are making me doubt my kitchen prowess. Last week, I had a run in with the food processor. I had created some cookies for cricket teas, and was trying to re-create them as part of a hamper I was making.

So I had shoved all the ingredients in the food processor (yes - that is an official culinary term, and yes, shoving it all in the food processor is how kitchen goddesses work these days). So I leave the food processor to its own devices for a few seconds - a few seconds, and when I turn back around, what do I see? Smoke. The food processor is smoking.

So this leaves me half way through the creation of cookies, with a food processor ready to explode and, in the process of having turned around to find the food processor in its smoking state, I took my eyes off the butter tablet I was making, which became irreparably attracted to the bottom of the pan, while the greaseproof paper I'd cut for the cookies to go on caught fire because it was sitting too close to the pan the butter tablet was cooking in.

Being only half way through the hamper creation - I am sure you will see - this was a disastrous situation. An emergency, no less.

So there was no other option than to rush out and find a replacement food processor. And it is this food processor which has been the cause of my second food processing incident.

I'll admit it. Against my own better judgement I just bought a cheap food processing number. Today I decided to make a banoffee pie. Got the biscuits out, put them in the food processor to break down. Turned on food processor, turned back (fatal mistake - you'd have thought I'd have learnt from last time, but, ohh no, there I go, just turning my back again).

Next think I know I find myself the subject of a full-biscuit-assault. Yes, small and large chunks of biscuit are being pelted at me at full speed by the errant food-processor. One side of the lid has come open and gingernuts are flying everywhere. The counter is dusted in an orangey glow and the food processor is dancing its way across the counter, preparing itself for a suicidal leap off the edge.

Possibly I have learnt my lesson this time - although I can't guarantee it. Never turn your back on food processors. They are potentially all transformers of the evil variety and who knows who will be the subject of a rapid food assault next.

Is it wrong to wash the food processor and return it and pretend I've never used it even though I've used it twice?