God I'm nifty. As a rule, I disagree with Valentine's day. It's a shoddy business as far as I'm concerned. If, by any incident, you find yourself in any sort of eatery this Thursday (burger vans and chip shops even are not immune), you will find yourself surrounded by couples. And upon first glance, you'll see a sea of happy couples, staring into each others' eyes, hands held across the table, a little romantic music tinkling in the background.
But look closer for a second or two and you'll note that actually, they're not looking in each others' eyes with a soft loving look. They are, in fact, competing very hard to look like the most in love couple in the restaurant, all the while mid-argument, wishing they were at home so they could have a good yell at one another.
Why have a specified day to tell someone that you love them? Surely you should show them all year? But anyway, as I was saying, despite all this dislike of V-day, every year, I carry out the task of trying to fool my sisters into thinking that they have a secret admirer.
This year, their cards will be arriving from Slough and will appear to be in their own handwriting. Clever, eh? Hmmm - though may have just spotted a flaw in my own nifftiness. They're both coming from Slough, damn it. Will have to polish up for next year.
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