I have learnt an important lesson. One should not wear fancy new greyish-coloured, relatively thin-materialed tops when it is a billion degrees outside and one has no control over one's sweat glands.
Fancy grey shirts do not pass the sweat test.
Tonight, I have been treated to the largest mean know to humankind. We had seven courses. We started with canapes, followed by an amuse bouche, followed by the starter. There were actually four different little canapes and three seperate parts to the amuse bouche, so actually, including the starter, we are really already on eight courses. There were bits and bobs of both I couldn't eat though - which was disappointing at the time, however at the end of the meal, I was never more glad of anything ever.
The canapes included a tomato and basil milkshake, some salt and vinegar mirangue, a mini chicken liver parfait burger and a goats cheese and white chocolate blob (don't tell them I called it a blob).
The amuse bouche was some shredded unidentified veg (maybe carrots, leeks and cabbage) with a tiny piece of smoked mackerel with shallot crumbs on top. It was dee-licious. I decided that as it's summer and I've let myself go, I'd try to pick relatively healthy food. So for my starter I went for asparagus with a fancy reduction of some sort. Again, dee-licious.
We then had some more mouth entertainment in between the starter and the main - though by that stage I was already getting pretty full and paying less and less attention. So I cannot report on that course, but my main was great. Sea bass with pork belly and some unidentifiable mini vegetable creations. The plate was decorated with brown saucy stuff (not your HP sort) and crumbled, dried black olive (there is probably a special name for this, which makes it sound appetizin, but I don't know it).
We were then treated to something beginning with C that was a cross between a cheesecake and custard with little blocks of something delicious in and honeycomb on top (in a tiny hotel-breakfast sized jam jar, complete with lid. I was tempted to take it home with me, but when I suggested this, I wasn't really met with the response I had hoped for...).
To almost finish off I had some chocolatey fondant nonsence, which was actually the most disappointing part of the meal. I had wanted Tart Tatin, but the waiter said it was for two and looked pointedly towards my wobbling flesh, raising his eyebrows in a should-you-really-be-having-any-dessert? type of way. Damn him.
So by that stage I had already bloated to the size of a seven month pregnant lady. And then they brought out the petit fours. There were millions of them, including turkish delight (which one of my fellow diners picked up and accused of being a square of see-through jelly, and then proceeded to have a comic jelly almost dropped in lap moment, which was only saved by another comedy jelly juggle scene), mini madelaines, fruit "paste", something that seemed to be butter tablet with apricots in, nougat, mini soft cookies and a whole host of other delights.
I decided I ought to round it off with some peppermint tea as my stomach had now reached a stage where it wouldn't fit under the table.
I then had to get onto a hot hot tube, where my stomach grew further - I think people wondered if they ought to give up their seat for me and my fine-dining baby belly.
Ideally, I would actually be going to bed now instead of writing this - but I'm killing time, hoping my belly will stop bulging so much - because at the moment, the double duvet won't stretch over it.
Anyway, if you want to sample such delights, we were at The Westbury, however it will probably cost you more than it cost us, because we have contacts, and you don't (well, there's every chance you do - but I just liked saying that).
You should see if you can get them to serve you your three courses for breakfast though, because you'll find that it will keep you full for the whole day - that might make it a bit more affordable too.
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