So it seems I can't be trusted at church weddings. There were three hymns and I realised mere seconds into the first one that I was going to have problems. I'm not a great singer (I'm a terrible singer) so I tend to mouth the words to the hymns - and I'm pretty certain I'm not the only one - particularly in this case - because that is how all of my problems began. We were all so mousey-voiced, that it was left to the priest on the piano to belt out the hymns. And belt them out he did.
In all my days, I have never heard anyone getting quite so erm... involved in the hymns they're singing. I'm afraid I have to admit that as soon as he started singing, I started giggling. And I couldn't stop throughout the whole of the hymn. Particularly as now and then he lost his place and started random mumbling, or sang too fast or the wrong verse. And to top it all off, at the end of the songs, he added his own little extra verses or chorus repetitions.
The rest of the wedding was relatively uneventful until they DJ started playing songs like the macarena, that quality classic, Saturday Night (Whigfield), etc. At which point it became necessary to hit the dance floor, despite the fact that I hate such songs - but what can I say - I need the exercise.
It was several minutes before I discovered, to my absolute horror that there was a video camera at the corner of the dancefloor. The corner that I had thought was dark and safe. Which means that in forty years, when this couple are re-watching the video of their wedding day, the video which should remind them of the best day of their life, they will get a good five minutes of my fat arse shaking at them from the dancefloor, to such quality songs as Shakin' Stevens' "This Old House".
Poor, poor people. I cannot express how sorry (or, in fact, how ashamed, I am at my wobbling largeness being caught forever - and worse still - the potential for it being featured on youtube).
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