When It's Good to be a Boy

Had a health visitor at work the other day, who told me that my cholesterol is particularly low. Woo hoo. I took that as a green light to go and feast on sausages, bacon and eggs.

She also made me pee in a little container. Girls have it so bad compared to boys. Boys can pee anywhere, any time. Need a wee whilst waiting for a bus? Pop round a corner and go in a dark alley. Need a pee whilst driving home from somewhere? Find a turn off and an unlit area, go for a pee.

It's all very different when you're a girl. Need a pee when you're waiting for the bus? Tough. Keep waiting for the bus, then wait in the traffic and then wait for ten other people to get off at your stop. If you're lucky, you won't need to wait for another bus. But either way, ability to hold is directly and negatively linked to distance from home. The closer to home you get, the less able to hold you are. All the pelvic floor exercises in the world will not make you able to keep from letting a little bit out as soon as you get off the bus. Some walking and holding of lady bits later (which appears to be less acceptable once you've passed the age of three - what is wrong with people? Don't they understand the pee/distance from home correlation? - do they not understand the plight of being a woman in need of the loo?), you reach home.

It is not over there though. The ability to hold is also negatively related to the ability to find your keys. However if you are canny, you will have found your keys whilst on the bus. It doesn't even end there - as you ladies will know. Once you have the door open, your need to pee again increases. As it does when you are struggling to get your trousers undone. Damn those extra buttons/belts/zips - who had the big idea of making elasticated waists unfashionable?

Anyway - if you're a boy and you need to pee in a cup - you're laughing (unless you have particularly bad aim). It's a whole different story for girls. We actually have to put our hand in the bowl area - and this is where a good pelvic floor comes in useful - and stop mid flow so as not to soak our hand. I'm not going to discuss this is much more details - suffice to say - it ain't easy to aim as a girl.

I did however manage to come away with no wee on my hands or the outside of the cup. A shortlived triumph as I realised that the health screening room and the loo were quite some distance from one another - and I needed to walk across the office holding a cup of my own wee. Nice.