A Dieting Failure

I have ventured into experimenting with Hoodia. Yes - that's right - Hoodia - it is not just some mythical junk mail object - it actually exists. My new work neighbour (we all moved desks) has a pot of the stuff and gave me a couple to experiment with on one of my particularly fat days.

The back of the bottle warns that taking hoodia might result in sleeplessness and headaches. Great - so presumably someone has been slipping me hoodia while I haven't been looking because I don't even need to take the stuff to suffer the side effects. I gulp the little green capsule down, throwing sleeplessness and headaches to the wind. I can feel myself getting thinner by the second.

Now, as you will know, I am a pig. I eat all the time - all day, every day. So when it reaches ten minutes past the time I took the hoodia, I am rumaging around in my desk drawers for whatever food I can find, which happens to be a pot of nuts, seeds and dried fruit. I open the lid, take a look at the contents, and where usually, I would be stuffing the lot down my ravenous throat, this time, I merely opened the lid, looked in side and shoved it away.

My problem with food is not that I eat too much when I'm hungry - it's that I don't stop eating. I eat if I'm bored, I eat if I'm nervous, I eat if I'm upset, I eat if I'm excited... basically, I'll eat given the smallest excuse. Which is why I figured hoodia would not work. But I'm wrong. I am not even interested in the food in front of me.

Oh happy days, I am going to be thin. Woo hoo. Although it is not long before things start taking a turn for the worse, as I notice that I'm feeling a little cotton wool headed and that there is a small, but annoying headache thumping away at the front and sides of my head. Then I note that I am finding my mind wandering all over the place and on top of all that, my hands are shaking!

I am supposed to take another tablet before lunch, but frankly, I have a busy day and have no time for lack of concentration. So instead, I get my lunch out - a salad. My stomach is rumbling and although I feel sort of hungry, I don't feel hungry. I put a leaf in my mouth and find that my lunch doesn't feel all that nice in my mouth. I am not bothered about eating. That's right - ME - not bothered about eating. Unbelievable.

But I can't pretend I'm feeling great. And the only solution I can think of to make myself feel better is to simply stuff myself until the odd feeling goes away. So I stuff myself with chicken salad and cake and crisps until the funny feeling is gone and I feel much better. Much fatter... but still better.

So it would seem I definitely a failure at this weight loss lark. The one thing pretty much guaranteed to make you thin and it makes me fatter. Great.