Rock And Roll Goddess

I have just spent the last half hour looking at cutlery online. How wild is my life? We are looking for a suitable place to have our wedding list. Which is boring. It means looking at boring things like cutlery and crockery and anything that catches The Old Man's whim - mostly gadgety stuff. There is unfortunately no avoiding the boring cutlery/crockery aspect, as, sadly, that is pretty much exactly what we need.

I have, however spotted some rather exciting things to add to the list - for example, the Hummingbird Bakery Cookbook, which I will couple with the Rock and Roll Stepper. Thus allowing me to cook lots of cakes whilst ensuring my behind does not grow too much. However I did clamber onto the Rock and Roll Stepper - which was rather more complicated than I had expected.

I got on the stepper and started wobbling about on it. I should have known better really - I don't have great balance. I started to get the hang of it - but decided it's probably not appropriate to start sweating and heavy breathing in a department store, so made the decision to get off the thing. Which was not as easy as I had hoped...

Largely due to my poor balance, I found myself stuck on the machine. No problem, I could just ask The Old Man to stand next to me, I can lean on his shoulder, and clamber off. So I look around. No sign of the old man. I can't see him anywhere and I am stuck on this rock and roll thing, unable to get my foot off without either having to jump them both off at the same time or fall head-first into the row of cross trainers in front of me. Hell.

So I am stranded on this rock and roll stepper, unable to get down, desperately trying to balance, so that I don't have to keep rocking from side to side, because my legs are beginning to hurt, The Old Man is nowhere to be seen. Jumping off or falling into the cross trainers will attract too much attention. Crying will not help. But I am tempted.

When suddenly, The Old Man appears behind me out of nowhere. Phew. Just as my whole life was beginning to flash before my eyes - a future of rocking about in a department store, sweating my life away. Hmmm... but actually, imagine how thin I'd be. Damn The Old Man for saving me. He could have given me another couple of days. I'd be a goddess by then.